I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
