i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
