If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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