Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
