The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
