hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
