I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
