Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
