dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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