Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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