Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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