New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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