Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
