I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
