Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
