this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize