I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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