I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize