i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
