This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
