he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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