Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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