I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
