Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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