i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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