Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
