my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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