Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
