I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
