he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am midnight drunk by noon
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
