I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
