i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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