She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
