Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize