Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
