When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
