We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So here I am, sexting at work.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
