saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
