You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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