I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
