Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
