he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
