If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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