Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
