did you get engaged???
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize