dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize