He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
