If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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