none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
