This girl is more easily done than said...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
