Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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