Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
