Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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