i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
