Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am available for nakedness
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
