so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
