All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
