Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
