I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
