I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
