I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
