His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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