She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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