I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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