New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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