Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
