Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
